sometimes I want to kill myself ...

I was once going through Shekhar Kapoor's blogs. He wrote ...

Sometimes
I dream of death
I imagine my own funeral
I realize ...

It's the ultimate act of my EGO
it's the ultimate act of my individuality
It's the ultimate statement of the self

oh my god !
and I thought I was killing myself
and it had nothing to do with others
and yet,

as I put the gun in my mouth
my head was screaming,
notice me ! notice me !
recognize my individuality
recognize that i do exist

how far will the mind go
to play games with me ?
is this a game of russian roulette
between me and my mind ?

is the mind so desperate
that it will kill the body
before it will give up it's own self ?



And then there was a comment from someone named Ruth ...
"I once was speaking with a friend who was going through a very confusing and difficult time and he said, "maybe I will just kill myself", and I said, "you do not want to kill yourself you just want to kill the confusing and difficult time you are having. Putting the ego in it's rightful place is no easy task.....Down boy!"

And I was convinced. Many a times, these type of thoughts enter our mind but we interpret it a little wrong. We want to kill ourselves just because we can't bear the conditions any more. But actually we want to kill the 'Confusing and Difficult times'